英语笑话_英语笑话简单易懂爆笑

1.关于英语的笑话大全

2.好笑的英语笑话带翻译

3.英语幽默笑话长篇故事

4.最简单的英语冷笑话精选？

5.有关英语的笑话

6.英语幽默笑话

7.非常短的英语小笑话

8.英语搞笑笑话8篇

1、Goldfish金鱼

Stan: I won 92 goldfish.

Fred: Where are you going to keep them?

Stan: In the bathroom 。

Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?

Stan: Blindfold（蒙眼睛）them!

斯丹：我赢了 92 条金鱼。

弗雷德：你想在哪儿养它们？

斯丹：浴室。

弗雷德：但是你想洗澡时怎么办？

斯丹：蒙住它们的眼睛！

2、 The Revenge 欺骗的代价

Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With alow voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmerJones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Johnson:"But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Johnson: "Jonesonce cheated me in a horse deal!"

老农约翰逊就要死了。他的家人都站在床边。他声音低沉地对妻子说：“我死后，我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。” 妻子说：“不，在你死后，我不能嫁给任何人。” 约翰逊：“但我希望你这么做。” 妻子：“为什么？” 约翰逊：“因为琼斯曾在一笔贩马的交易中欺骗了我。”

3、I think that I'm a chicken 我想我是一只鸡

Psychiatrist: What's your problem?

Patient: I think I'm a chicken.

Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?

Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

医师：你哪里不舒服？

病人：我认为我是一只鸡。

医师：这种情况从什么时候开始的？

病人：从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。

4、How do I get the gum out我怎么把口香糖取出来

Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keeptheir ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed upto her and said, "I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum outfrom my ears?"

当空中**给乘客们发口香糖的时候，她解释说口香糖有助于他们防止耳鸣。飞机着陆后，一位乘客跑到这位空中**面前，说道：“ 我马上就要见到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖从耳朵里面取出来呢？”

5、 Where Am I 我在哪儿

An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside. He saw afarmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer,"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" "Yes, " the farmerlooked at him strangely and said, "you are in your car, sir."

一个英国人在乡下开车时迷了路，他看见一个农民正在附近的地里干活。于是他就把车开过去问那位农民：“劳驾，您能告诉我我现在这是在哪儿吗？” “可以。”农夫奇怪地看了看他，然后说道：“你现在在你的车子里，先生。”

6、Chiefis at the wedding 长官在婚礼上

A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street.

"But officer," the man said, "I can explain."

"Just be quiet," sned the officer."I'm going to put you injail until the chief gets back."

"But ,officer, I …."

"I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"

A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Youare lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a goodmood when he gets back."

"Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I'm thegroom."

大街上的一个超速驾驶者被警察拦住了。“但是警官”这个人说道，“我可以解释的”。“保持安静”，警察突然说道。“我将把你送往监狱，直到长官回来。“但是，警察，我，，，”。“我说过了保持安静，你要到监狱了。”几小时后，警察向监狱里看了看说道“算你运气好，因为我们的长官正在他女儿的婚礼上。他将带着一个愉快的心情回来的。” “你确定”在牢房里的这个人说道。“我就是新郎呀”。

7、Who Is the Laziest 谁最懒

Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you aquestion. Who is the laziest person in your class?

Tom: I don't know, father.

Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing andwriting, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?

Tom: Our teacher, father.

父亲：哎，汤姆，今天我跟你们老师谈过，现在我想问你个问题。你们班上谁最懒？汤姆：我不知道，爸爸。父亲：啊，不对，你知道！想想看，当别的孩子们都在做作业、写字时，谁在课堂上坐着，只是看人家做功课？汤姆：我们老师，爸爸。

8、TwoBirds 两只鸟

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now whocan tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside theswallow.

老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。老师：请说说看。学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

关于英语的笑话大全

又幽默又短的英语笑话，希望能让你开心！

一、英语幽默短笑话1：　

Mike:Mum,I want to watch TV.　　

Mum:There is no electricity tonight.　　

Mike:Then let's watch TVwith a candie on.　　

迈克：妈妈，我想看电视。　　

妈妈：今晚停电了。　　

迈克：那我们就点着蜡烛看吧。

二、英语幽默短笑话2

The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安?" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

三、英语幽默短笑话3

Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

I'm sorry, sir. It must he been in a fight.

Well, bring me the winner then.

服务员， 这个龙虾只有一只爪。

对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。

哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。

好笑的英语笑话带翻译

　笑话,顾名思义,是一种通过幽默的文字或图示来达到令人会心一笑或捧腹大笑效果的文学形式。我整理了英语笑话，欢迎阅读!

英语笑话篇一

　An Unwelcome Hornor

　A doctor came into the hospital ward and said to Mr. Johnson, "I he some good news and some bad news for you."

　Then Mr. Johnson said, "Please, give me the good news first."

　So the doctor said, "The doctors here are going to name an incurable disease after you."

　中文译文

　宁可不要的荣誉

　一位医生走进医院的病房，告诉强森先生：?我有一个好消息和一个坏消息要告诉你。? 强森先生说：?请先告诉我好消息吧!? 医生说：?本院的医师决定用你的名字，来为一种不治之症命名。?

英语笑话篇二

　If I Am A Manager

　One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition--If I Am a Manager.All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason. ?Iam waiting for my secretary.?was the boy?s answer.

　中文译文

　如果我是一个经理

　一天课上，老师要同学们以如果我是一个经理为题写一篇作文。 所有的学生都在动笔写了，只有一个男生例外。老师走过去问他为什么不写。 我在等我的秘书。那孩子答道。

英语笑话篇三

　Sleeping Pills

　Bob was hing trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribedsome extra-strong sleeping pills. Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awakebefore he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to hisboss, ?I didn't he a bit of trouble getting up this morning.?

　?That's fine,? roared the boss, ?but where were you Monday and Tuesday?

　中文译文

　强效安眠药

　鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：?我今天早上起床特别顺利。?好啊!? 老板吼道，?那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了?

英语幽默笑话长篇故事

好笑的英语笑话带翻译

　笑话来源于生活，经过艺术加工的语言形式,是艺术化的语言。下面我马上为你带来几篇好笑的英语笑话带翻译，希望你会喜欢。更多笑话尽在笑话栏目。

　好笑的英语笑话带翻译(一)

　A Wild Guess

　大胆的猜想

　Our physics professor was struggling to draw the class into discussion of Archimede's principle of water displacement. He told us that Archimede noticed that when he got into a pool at the public bathhouse, the water rose spilling over the edge. Excited at his discovery,he ran down the street yelling, "Eureka, eureka!" The professor asked if anyone knew

　what that meant.

　我们的物理教授千方白计地引导学生讨论阿基米德的排水原理。他告诉我们，阿基米德去公共浴池洗澡，他进入池子，发现水涨高了，溢出池沿。他对这一发现十分激动，跑到街上高喊:"Eureka, eureka!?教授问我们谁知道他喊的是什么意思。

　One student stood up and answered, "I'm naked! I'm naked!"

　一个学生站起来答道:?我光屁股啦，我光屁股啦!?

　好笑的`英语笑话带翻译(二)

　May We He Our Teacher Back?

　能让我们老师回去吗?

　While visiting a country school, the chairman of the Board Of Education became provoked at the noise the unruly students were making in the next room. Angrily, he opened the door and grabbed one of the taller boys who seemed to be doing most of the talking. He dragged the boy to the next room and stood him in the corner.

　在访问一听乡村学校时，教育委员会因为隔壁房间里不守规矩的学生们发出的噪音而愤怒不已。他气愤地推开门，一把抓住一个身材较高的男生，他似乎说话最多。他拖着男生到另一个房间，并礼他他站在墙角。

　A few minutes later, a small boy stuck his head in the room and pleaded, "Please, sir, may we he our teacher back?"

　几分钟后，一个小男孩探进头来，恳求道:?求求您，先生，能让我们的老师回去吗?

　好笑的英语笑话带翻译(三)

　A Woman's Answer

　女人的回答

　A husband said to his wife, "Why did God create women to be beautiful but foolish'?"

　一位丈夫对妻子说：?为什么上帝把女人创造得如此美丽却又愚蠢呢?

　"Well," his wife answered at once. "The reason is very simple. God made us beautiful so men would love us; God made us foolish so we would marry them."

　?噢，?他的妻子立刻回答道，?原因很简单。上帝使我们如此美丽，男人才会爱我们。上帝使我们如此愚蠢，我们才会嫁给他们。?

　好笑的英语笑话带翻译(四)

　God Is Watching

　上帝在看着

　The students were lined up in the cafeteria for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of les. The nun made a note, and posted on the le tray: "Take only ONE.God is watching."

　学生们在食堂排队吃午餐。在桌子的一头有一大堆苹果，修女写了一张纸条，贴在苹果托盘上:?只能拿一个。上帝在看着你。?

　Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the les."

　顺着午餐队伍往前走，在桌子的另一端有一大堆巧克力饼干。一个孩子写了一张纸条，?想要多少拿多少，上帝正看着苹果呢。?

　好笑的英语笑话带翻译(五)

　Kid's Perspective

　孩子的视角

　On the way home from the first day of school, the father asked his son, "What did you do at school today'?"

　在上学第一天回家的路上，父亲问儿子，?你今天在学校做了什么?

　The little boy shrugged his shoulders and said, "Nothing".

　小男孩耸耸肩说:?没什么。?

　Hoping to draw his son into conversation, the father persisted and said, "Well, did you learn about any numbers, study certain letters, or maybe a particular color?"

　为了把儿了引到谈话中来，父亲继续着话题，说道:?那么，你学习了任何数字、字母或者也许什么特定的颜色吗7?

　The perplexed child looked at his father and said, "Daddy, didn't you go to school when you were a little boy?"

　困惑的孩子看着父亲说:?爸爸，难道你是一个小男孩的时候没有上过学吗?

　好笑的英语笑话带翻译(六)

　God Is Missing

　上帝失踪了

　There were two brothers who were always up to some mischief. If somebody had been locked up in his house, or if somebody's dog had been painted green, one always knew who the culprits were-the brothers. One day the boys' mother asked a priest to talk to her sons and put the fear of God in them so that they would mend their ways. The priest asked her to send her sons to him one at a time. When the younger boy came, he made him sit and asked him: "Where is God?" The boy did not answer. The priest asked again, in a louder voice: "Where is God?" The boy remained silent. But when the priest asked the same question for a third time, the boy jumped up and ran away. He went straight to his brother. "We are in big trouble!" he gasped. "What's wrong'?" asked the older boy, warily, wondering which of their sins had caught up with them. "God is missing," said the youngster, "and they think we he something to do with it!"

　有两兄弟总是搞恶作剧。如果有人被锁在自己的房子里，或者谁家的狗被漆成了绿色，人们总知道谁是罪魁祸首?兄弟俩。一天，男孩的母亲请牧师和她的儿子们谈谈，让他们对上帝感到敬畏，以便他们能改善他们的行为。牧师叫她把两兄弟一个一个地送过来。年幼一些的孩子过来了，牧师让他坐下，问他:?上帝在哪里?男孩没有回答。牧师又问，这次声音更大了:?上帝在哪里?男孩仍然保持沉默。当牧师第三次问同样的问题时，男孩跳起来跑走了。他直奔向他的哥哥。?我们有烦了!?他喘着气说。?你怎么了?年长的男孩谨慎地问，想知道到底因为他们做的哪件坏事人们要逮捕他俩。?上帝不见了，?弟弟说，?他们认为这事和我们有关!?

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最简单的英语冷笑话精选？

笑话第一篇（这篇若外国人看了一定会笑） Adam and Joseph were talking about their families. Adam said,"My grandfather was a very good conductor before he died" "Was he a musician?" joseph asked. "No,"said Adam,"he was struck by lightning." 亚当和约瑟正在谈及他们的家人。 亚当说：「我祖父在他死前是一个很好的conductor(conductor可作指挥，或导电体解） 约瑟问：「他是不是一个音乐家？」 亚当说：「不是，他是被雷电击中」 第二个笑话 The Bishop spoke to the congregation about the shortage of priests and nuns. "Too many of you are only hing one child and letting them go off into other professions. I propose that each family should he three children: one for the father, one for mother and one for the church." A few days later, the bishop was out shopping when he saw a pregnant woman from his parish. But before he could say hello, she shouted above the crowd,"This one is yours, Bishop!" 有一个主教对他的会众说及，神父和修女的短缺。 他说：「你们当中太多人只生一个孩子，并让他们从事其他行业。我建议每个家庭应有三个孩子，一个为著爸爸，一个为著妈妈，一个为著教会。」 几天后，主教外出购物，并看到一个他教区的孕妇，在他向她问安之先，她当众大声地说：「主教，这个孩子是你的！」 ...................................................................... 1) A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though a whale is a very large mammal, its throat is very *** all. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was impossible. The little girl said, *When I get to heen I will ask Jonah*. The teacher asked, *What if Jonah went to hell?* The little girl replied, *Then you ask him!* 2) A student es to a young professor*s office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly.*I would do anything to pass this exam, * she says.She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes. *I mean,* she whispers, *I would do anything... *He returns her gaze, *Anything?**Anything.*His voice softens, *Anything?**Anything,* she repeats again. His voice turns to a whisper. *Would you ... study?*　你可以读的慢一点　Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for o cents. "What did you do with the money I ge you yesterday?" "I ge it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are o cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” Nest and Hair My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom. "What kind of bird?" my sister asked. "I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child. "Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her . "Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. " Notes: (1) inform v.告诉 (2) nest n.窝；巢 (3) description n.描述 (4) encourage v.鼓励 (5) resemble v. 相似；类似 鸟窝与头发 我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。 “是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。 “我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。 “那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。 “哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。” I've Just Bitten My Tongue "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! " Notes: (1) poisonous adj.有毒的 (2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。 我刚咬破自己的舌头 “我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。 “是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？” “因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。” A Woman Who Fell It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the *** ooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her posure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always he beautiful women failing at your feet?" 摔倒的女人 上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？” 英语笑话（一） Q: What's the difference beeen a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can he fleas, but a flea can't he monkeys. 猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？ Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn? 如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。 Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？ Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。 Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake. 怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。 英语笑话（二） He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。 -- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？ -- 墓地守墓人。 英语笑话（三） Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter ge her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它们是从美国直接带来的 一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有。 这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。” 英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I he lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不识字 布朗夫人：哦， 亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！ 布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。” 英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner -- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I'm sorry, sir. It must he been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then. 给我那个打赢的吧 -- 服务员， 这个龙虾只有一只爪。 -- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。 -- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。 英语笑话（六）The mean man's party. The notorious cheap skate finally decided to he a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot." "Why use my elbow and foot?" "Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not ing empty-hangded, are you?" 吝啬鬼请客 一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。” “为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？” “你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。 On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?" To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf 在一个乡村路上，一警察让这个农民靠边停车，说：“先生，你意识到你的妻子在几公里前从车上掉下去了吗？”农民回答说：“感谢上帝，我还以为我聋了呢！” Boxing and Running Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he left his friend, "This is a tough world, so I’m teaching my boy to fight." Friend: "But suppose he es up against someone much bigger than he is, who’s also been taught how to box." Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too." 拳击和赛跑 丹在教他的儿子怎样拳击。他告诉他的朋友：“这是一个粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的儿子怎么去拼搏。” 朋友： “如果他碰上的对手是一个比他高大，健壮而且也会拳击的人怎么办？” 丹：“我也会教他怎么样赛跑呢。” Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What hened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I’d know him anywhere," said Ivan. "I he his ear in my pocket." 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问,"发生了什么事？“ ”一个男孩咬了我一口，“伊凡说。 ”再见到他时你能认出来吗?"妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说，“他的耳朵还在我的衣兜里呢。” Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand? Matthew: Very Cold, sir. Teacher: Wrong. Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen! 老师：马修，新西兰的气候怎么样？ 马修：先生，那里的天气很冷。 老师：错了。 马修：可是，先生！从那儿运来的猪肉都冻得硬邦邦的。 1.When Was Rome Built? 罗马是什么时候建成的？ Teacher: When was Rome built? Tom: At night. Teacher: Who told you that? Tom: You did. You said Rome wasn't built in a day. 老师：罗马是什么时候建成的？ 汤姆：在夜里建成的。 老师：谁告诉你的？ 汤姆：是您啊。您说过罗马不是在一个白天建成的。 2.He Knows the Answer 他知道答案 Teacher: Can you tell me anything about the great scientists of the 18th century? Pupil: Yes, sir, I can. They are all dead. 教师：你能告诉我一些有关十八世纪的伟大科学家的事情吗？ 学生：我能，先生。他们都死了。 3.Where do babies e from? 小孩从哪里来？ I asked my father where babies e from. He says you download them from the Inter. 我问爸爸小孩是从哪里来的，他说是从网上下载的。 4.An Essential Correction 实质性的纠正 Teacher: Walter, why don’t you wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning. Walter: What was it? Teacher: Eggs. Walter: Wrong, teacher. That was yesterday. 老 师：沃尔特，你为什么不洗脸?我看得出你今天早饭吃了什么。 沃尔特：我吃了什么？ 老 师：鸡蛋。 沃尔特：错了，老师。那是昨天吃的。 5. I Don’t Feel Like Getting into an Argument 我不想争论 “Gerald,” asked the teacher, “what is the shape of the earth?” “It's round,” answered Gerald. “How do you know it's round?” continued the teacher. “All right, it’s square then,” he replied, “ I really don't feel like getting into an argument about it!” “杰拉尔德，”老师说，“地球是什么形状的？” “是圆形的，”杰拉尔德回答。 “你怎么知道是圆的？”老师继续问。 “好，那就是方的吧，”他回答说。“我真的不想和您争论这件事！” 6.Three Reasons 三个理由 Teacher: Bob, give me three reasons why you know the Earth to be round. Bob: Mum says so, Dad says so, and you say so! 老师：鲍勃，说出三条理由来证实地球是圆的。 鲍勃：妈妈是这么说的，爸爸是这么说的，您也是这么说的！ 7.Who Should be Given the Present? 礼物该给谁？ A father of five came home with a toy, summoned his children and asked which one of them should be given the present, “Who is the most obedient, never talks back to mother and does everything he or she is told?” he inquired. There was silence and then a chorus of voices: “You play with it, Daddy!” 一个有五个孩子的父亲带着一件玩具回到家里，把孩子们召集来问这件礼物应该给谁。“谁最听话，从不和妈妈顶嘴，让干什么就干什么？”他问道。 大家都不吭声。过了一会儿，孩子们异口同声地说：“爸爸，您玩儿吧。” 8.Big Head 大脑袋 “All the kids make fun of me,” The boy cried to his mother. “They say I he a big head.” “Don't listen to them,” his mother consoled. “You he a beautiful head. Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes.” “Where's the shopping bag?” “I hen't got one, use your hat.” “所有的孩子都拿我取乐，”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说：“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。” “别听他们的，”他妈妈安慰说。“你的脑袋长得很漂亮。好了，别哭了, 去到店里买10磅土豆来。” “兜子在哪儿呢？” “我没有兜子——就用你的帽子吧。”　有一个外国人来到中国。一天，他路过K F C（肯德基），看见里面的客人在吃像血一样的东西，他就问：“那是什么？”服务员说：“那是番茄酱。”外国人想：原来中国人的血叫做 番茄酱。 他又路过一家鸡腿店，看见里面的客人在吃像腿一样的东西，他问：“那是什么？”服务员说：“那是鸡腿。”外国人想：原来中国人的腿叫 鸡腿。 他又路过一家文具店，看见里面有一个大得像汽车一样的橡皮擦，他问：“那是什么？”老板说：“那是橡皮擦。”外国人想：原来中国人的汽车叫 橡皮擦。 他又路过一家酒店，看见一个男的正和一个女的吵架。男的说：“ *** ！”女的说：“你娘的！”外国人想：原来中国人男的叫 你娘的；女的叫 *** 。 后来，他看见了一场。一个男的车撞到了一个女的车，那个被撞的女的脚上海流血了。他就这样打电话给警察： “在xx街的路口上，一个 你娘的汽车撞了一个 *** 。那个被撞的 *** 鸡腿上流了好多番茄酱......”

有关英语的笑话

笑话一般指短小、滑稽的故事,是一种民间口头创作形式,在民间文化中以口口相传的形式传播。我整理了最简单的英语冷笑话，欢迎阅读!

最简单的英语冷笑话：Ventriloquist

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a *** all town. He's going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says,

"OK jerk, I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do a person's physical attributes he to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my munity, of reaching my full potential as a person...

because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large... all in the name of humor."

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to that little *** er on your knee!"

最简单的英语冷笑话：There Is No Fish There

One cold Winter day, a blonde decides she wants to take up ice fishing. When she gets to the pond, she begins to cut a hole in the ice. As she does, she hears a voice. "There's no fish there...".

Puzzled, the blonde picks up her stuff and cuts another hole a few feet away. Again, she hears the voice. "There's no fish there..."

The blonde is confused, but still determined. About 10 feet away, she begins to cut another ice hole. "There's no fish there...", she hears.

She immediately turns her head to the sky and says, "Is that you, God?"

"NO! IT'S THE MANER OF THE ICE-SKATING RINK! THERE'S NO FISH THERE!"

最简单的英语冷笑话：Indecent Exposure

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts. A nearby policeman roaches her and remarks, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" "Why, officer?" asks the blonde. "Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed." "Oh my goodness," exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the bus!"

最简单的英语冷笑话：Because I'm Blonde?

A girl came skipping home from school one day.

"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other

kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,

6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said.

"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy,"

she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids

could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy,"

she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the

other girls had flat chests, but I he these!" And she lifted her tank

top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

"No Honey, it's because you're 24."

最简单的英语冷笑话：Guessing Game

Two blondes are walking down a road, one has a large sports bag.

1st blonde: "What he you got in that bag?"

2nd blonde: "Chickens."

1st blonde: "If I can guess how many chickens you've got in that bag, can I he one of them?"

2nd blonde: "If you can guess how many chickens I've got in this bag, you can he BOTH of them!!"

1st blonde: "Well, I think you've got three."

英语幽默笑话

笑话是实际生活中客观存在的，作为文学式样，它的特征是戏谑、讽刺，其功能是启迪、警示。它渊源流长、值得研究、探讨。下面是我带来的有关英语的笑话，欢迎阅读!

有关英语的笑话篇一

　A better dishwasher 一台更好的洗碗机

　Mrs Williams lived in a small street in London, and now she had a new neighbour.

　Her name was Mrs Briggs, and she talked a lot about her expensive furniture, her beautiful carpets and her new kitchen.

　"Do you know," she said to Mrs Williams one day, "I've got a new dishwasher1. It washes the plates and glasses and knives and forks beautifully."

　"Oh? " Mrs Williams answered." And does it dry them and put them in the cupboard, too ?"

　Mrs Briggs was surprised. "Well," she answered, "the things in the machine are dry after an hour, but it doesn't put them away, of course."

　"I've had a dishwasher for twelve and a half years," Mrs Williams said.

　"Oh?" Mrs Briggs answered, "And does yours put the things in the cupboard when it has washed them?"

　She laughed nastily2. "Yes, he does," Mrs Williams answered."He dries the dishes and puts them away."

　威廉姆斯太太住在伦敦的的一条小街上，现在她有了一位新邻居。

　这邻居叫布里格斯太太，她对她的高档家具，漂亮地毯和新厨房谈论很多。

　?你知道吗? 有一天她对威廉姆斯太太说道：?我有一台新洗碗机。它洗盘子、杯子和刀叉洗得非常好。?

　?哦?威廉姆斯太太回答说，?它能弄干盘子、杯子和刀叉吗?还可以把它们放进碗柜吗?

　布里格斯太太很吃惊。? 嗯，?她回答说，?洗碗机里的盘子、杯子和刀叉一小时后就干了，但当然啰，洗碗机不能把它们收起来。?

　威廉姆斯太太说：?我有一台洗碗机已经12年半了。?

　?哦?布里格斯太太回答说，?你的洗碗机在洗完盘子、杯子和刀叉后能把它们放进碗柜吗?她不怀好意地大笑起来。

　?是的，他可以。?威廉姆斯太太回答说，?他把碗盘刀叉弄干后就把它们收起来。?

有关英语的笑话篇二

　My God 我的上帝啊

　A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, has been riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to oid the ticket collector.

　Finally, the conductor manages to corner him and tells him to pay up："You've been on for five miles -- that'll be 50 pennies, please, and 10 pennies for your suitcase."

　The Scotsman responds："I hen't, I want to he a penny fare, just got on this very moment." They begin to argue, and the ticket collector become more and more enraged1 and finally, as the bus is passing over London bridge, he grabs2 the Scotsman's suitcase, and hurls3 it out of the bus.

　It lands in the river and sinks without a trace. The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, "My God!Not only are you treat to overcharge me for the ticket?but now you're gone a drowned my boy Jenny."

　一个苏格兰人提着一只大箱子，坐上了一辆开往伦敦的汽车。上车后，在汽车行驶了5英里的这段路上，他一直在试图躲开售票员。

　售票员最终还是找到了他，并叫他补票:?你已经坐了5英里了，请付50便士，你的箱子还要付10便士。?

　苏格兰人答道：?我是不会付那么多钱的。我只付1便士，因为我刚刚上车。?最后，他们争吵起来。售票员越吵越生气，终于在车子行驶到伦敦大桥上时，抓起苏格兰人的箱子，用力扔出了车外。

　箱子掉进河里，沉了下去。苏格兰人惊呆了，怔怔地站在那里，片刻之后对售票员说：?我的上帝啊!你不仅向我多收票钱，现在还淹死了我的儿子强尼。?

有关英语的笑话篇三

　Where Am I 我这是在哪儿

　Nat lived in a small town in England. He always stayed in England for his holidays, but then last year he thought1, "I've never been outside this country. All my friends go to Spain3, and they like it very much, so this year I'm going4 to go there too."

　First he went to Madrid and stayed in a small hotel for a few5 days. On the first morning he went out for a walk. In England people drive on the left, but in Spain they drive on the right. Natforgot6 about this, and while7 he was8 crossing a busy street, a bicycle knocked9 him down.

　Nat lay10 on the ground11 for a few seconds and then he sat12 up and said13: "Where am I?" An old man was selling maps at the side2 of the street, and he at oncecame14 to Nat and said, "Map of the city, sir?"

　兰特住在英格兰的一座小镇上。他的日一直都是在这里度过的，可是去年，他想：?我从来都没有出过国。我的朋友们都很喜欢去日本度，今年我也准备去那里。?

　他先是去了马德里，并在一家小旅馆住了几天。来到这里的第一天，他一早起来去散步。在英国，人们都是靠左行驶，但是西班牙人都是靠右行驶。兰特忘记了这点，于是在他穿过一条繁杂的街道时，不幸被一辆自行车撞倒了。

　兰特在地上躺了几秒钟，随后坐起来问道：?我这是在哪儿?这时，路边正好有一位老人在卖地图，于是他立即走上前去，对兰特说：?先生，买地图吗?

有关英语的笑话篇四

　A dogss bad habit 狗的坏习惯

　As a professional animal trainer, I was disturbed when my own dog developed a bad habit. Every time I hung my wash out on the clothesline, she would yank it down. Drastic1 action was called for.

　I put a white kitchen towel on the line and waited. Each time she pulled it off, I scolded her. After two weeks the towel was untouched. Then I hung out a large wash and left to do someerrands2. When I came home, my clean clothes were scattered3 all over the yard. On the line was the white kitchen towel.

　作为一名专业的驯兽师，我对自己的狗养成的一个坏习惯感到很苦恼。每当我把洗好的衣服搭在晾衣绳上时，它总会猛地把衣物全扯下来。对此，我必须要取严厉的 措施 。

　我在绳上搭了一条白色的厨房毛巾，每当它把毛巾扯下来时，我就会训斥它一顿。两个星期后，它再也不碰毛巾了。于是，我把许多洗干净的衣服搭在晾衣绳上后，就出去办事了。等我回到家时，洗好的衣服分散在院子的各个角落，只有那条白毛巾依然搭在绳子上。

有关英语的笑话篇五

　Se Money 省钱

　Henry was from the United1 States and he had come to London for a holiday.

　One day he was not feeling well, so he went to the clerk at the desk of his hotel and said, "I want to see doctor. Can you give me the name of a good one?"

　The clerk looked in a book and then said, "Dr2. Kenneth Grey, 61010."

　Henry said, "Thank yon very much. Is he expensive?"

　"Well," the clerk answered, "he always charges his patients two pounds for their first visit to him, and one pound and 50 pennies3 for later visits."

　Henry decided4 to se 50 pennies, so when he went to see the doctor, he said, "I've come again, doctor."

　For a few seconds the doctor looked at his face carefully without saying anything. Then he nodded and said, "Oh, yes." He examined him and then said, "Everything's going as it should do. Just continue with the medicine I ge you last time."

　美国人亨利来到伦敦度。

　有一天，他感觉不舒服，便来到旅馆服务台向服务员咨询：?我想看病，你能帮我找一位好医生吗?

　服务员翻阅了一下本子，然后说：?肯尼思?格雷医生，61010。?

　亨利说：?非常感谢，他看病收费贵吗?

　?喔，?服务员回答说，?初诊患者收费2英镑，复诊收费1.5英镑。?

　亨利琢磨着能省下50便士，于是，他去看病时对医生说：?我又来了，医生。?

　医生一言不发地端详着他的面容，过了一会儿点点头说道：?哦，对。?医生给亨利做完检查后说：?病情得到了控制，继续吃上次我给你的药就可以了。?

非常短的英语小笑话

英语幽默笑话15则

　你身边真正的朋友，跟你美丑没多大关系，跟你有钱没钱没多大关系，下面我给大家收集整理了英语幽默笑话，一起来学学幽默，收集好人缘吧!

　1、我懂他的话

　While eating in a restaurant, I reprimanded my four-year-old son for speaking with his mouth full . "Mump umn Kmpfhm," was all I heard.

　"Drew," I scolded, "no one can understand a word you're saying.

　"He says he wants some ketchup," my husband said calmly .　A woman sitting nearby leaned over and asked, "How in the world did you understand him?"

　"I'm a dentist," my husband explained.

　在饭店吃饭的时候，我申斥我4岁的儿子，因为他满嘴食物在说话。“喔、呢”，我听到的就是这些。 “祖，”我责备道，“没人明白你在说什么。” “他说他要一些番茄酱，”我丈夫平静地说。坐在旁边的一位妇女靠过来问道：“你究竟如何明白他的话的呢?” “我是牙医。”我丈夫解释道。

　2、我 可 以 回 家 了

　One day after school the teacher said to his students，“Tomorrow morning，if any one of you can answer my first question.I'll permit him or her to go home earlier.” The next day，when the teacher came into the classroom，he found the blackboard daubed.He was very angry and asked，“Who did it?Please stand up! ” “It' s me，”said Bob，“Now，I can go home，Good-bye，Sir! ”

　一天，放学以后，老师对他的学生们说：“明天上午，如果你们当中的任何一个同学能回答我的第一个问题，我就准许他或她最先回家。”第二天，老师走进教室时发现黑板已被乱涂，他非常生气地问：“谁涂的? 请站起来。”鲍勃说：“先生，是我，现在我可以回家了，再见。”

　3、怎么把口香糖取出来呢

　Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keep their ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed up to her and said, I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum out from my ears?

　怎么把口香糖取出来呢当空中**给乘客们发口香糖的时候，她解释说口香糖有助于他们防止耳鸣。飞机着陆后，一位乘客跑到这位空中**面前，说道：“ 我马上就要见到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖从耳朵里面取出来呢?”

　4、谁是世界上第一个男人

　A teacher said to her class:”Who was the first man?”“George Washington,”a little boy shouted promptly.

　“How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.“Because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”But at this point a larger boy held up his hand.“Well,”said the teacher to him, “who do you think was the first man?”

　“I don’t know what his name was,”said the larger boy, “but I know it wasn’t George Washington, ma’am, because the history book says George Washington married a widow, so, of course, there must he been a man ahead of him.”

　一个老师问她的学生：“谁是世界上第一个男人”一个小男孩立刻大声说：“乔治.华盛顿。”老师带着宠溺的笑容问这个男生：“你如何证明乔治华盛顿是世界上第一个男人呢。”这个男孩子说：“因为，他是第一个挑起战争，第一个主张和平，并且是第一个深得民心的人。”这时，有一个年龄稍大的男孩子举起手来，老师问他，“你认为谁是世界第一个男人?”男孩回答说：“我不知道他的名字，但是我肯定他不是乔治华盛顿，因为历史书上说，乔治华盛顿和一个寡妇结婚了，所以在他之前，当然还有一个男的啦。

　5、没想到那么贵

　A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."

　一个小偷在一家珠宝店企图偷走一只手表的时候被当场擒获。“听着，”小偷说，“我知道你们也不想惹麻烦。我把这只表买下，然后我们就当什么也没发生，你看怎样?”经理表示同意，然后列了一张售货单。小偷看着单子说道：“这比我最初的预算稍稍高了一点，你们还有没有便宜一点儿东西。”

　6、瞎子的判断

　Once there was a blind. One day when he was walking, he

　stepped the head of the dog who was sleeping. The dog barked for a while. The blind man went on for miles, this time he stepped the other dog's tail, so this dog barked. The blind man had thought that it was the first dog, so he said in surprise, It's a wonder that the dog is so long.

　从前有个瞎子。一天，他正在行路时踩着了一只正在睡觉的狗的脑袋，狗汪汪汪地叫了一阵。这人又往前走，这回踩着的是另外一只狗的尾巴，狗又汪汪汪地叫起来。瞎子以为还是那条狗，惊诧地说：奇怪，这只狗可真够长的。

　7、我没有看到另外一块

　Mother: I left two pieces of cake in the cupboard this morning, Johnny, and now there is only one piece left. Can you explain that?Johnny: Well, I suppose it was so dark that I didn’t notice the other.

　妈妈：约翰尼，我今天早上在橱子里放了两块点心。现在就剩下一块了。你能解释一下吗?约翰尼：嗯，我想是因为里面太黑我没看到另外那块。

　8、好客

　The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an le-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must he better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

　由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。

　9、新老师

　eorge comes from school on the first of September."George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother."I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

　9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。“乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗?” 妈妈问。“妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。”

　10、铅笔

　he Astronaut Pen During the heat of the space race in the 1960s, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero grity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of roximately $$1 million U.S. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth. The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.

　在二十世纪六十年代，美国和苏联正处于太空竞赛的白热化阶段，美国航空航天局决定研制一种圆珠笔，以便在太空舱重力为零的环境下仍然可以书写。经过大量的研发工作，花费了大约一百万美元的成本，太空笔终于研制出来了。那支笔果然可以在太空书写，在回到地球后，作为一样新奇的小玩意儿也确实吸引了一些目光。而面临着同样难题的苏联，则选择了一支铅笔。

　11、心不在焉的老师

　An Absent Minded ProfessorA notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pement. A pupil meeting him said： “Good evening，professor.How are you? “Well，” answered the professor，“I thought I was all right when I left home，but now I don't know what's the matter with me.I've been limping for the last half hour.”

　有一天，人们看见一个有名的心不在焉的老师在路上走，他的一只脚一直踏在街沟里，另一只脚踩在人行道上。 一个碰见他的`学生说： “晚安，老师。您怎么了?” “啊，”这位老师回答说：“我想我离开家的时候还挺好的，可是现在我不知道出了什么毛病。我已经一瘸一拐走了半个小时了。”

　12、谁的儿子最伟大

　The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Monsignor'." The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Excellency'."

　"My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Eminence'.

　" The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, " she said. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, my God'!"

　四位牧师的母亲聚到一起谈论她们的儿子。“我的儿子是个教士，”第一位母亲自豪地说道，“他进入房间，人们都说，‘您好，阁下’。”

　第二为母亲说：“我的儿子是位主教。他进入房间，人们都称，‘您好，大人’。” “我的儿子是位红衣主教，”第三位母亲接着说，“他走进房间，人们都说，‘您好，尊敬的主教大人’。”

　第四位母亲略思片刻。“我的儿子身高六英尺十，体重三百磅，”她说，“他要是走入房间，人们都说‘哦，我的上帝’!

　13、国王的兄弟

　A poor man， presenting himself before the King of Spain，asked his charity， telling him that he was his brother． Theking desiring to know how he claimed kindred to him， the poorfellow replied，“We are all descended from one common fatherand mother—viz．， Adam and Eve．” Upon which the kingge him a little copper piece of money． The poor man beganto bemoan himself， saying，“Is it possible that your Majestyshould give no more than this to your brother？”“Away，away，”replies the king；“if all the brothers you he in theworld give you as much as I he done， you'll be richer than Iam．”

　一个穷汉去见西班牙国王，说自己是他的兄弟，求他施恩周济。国王想知道他何以攀认亲戚，穷汉回答说，“我们有共同的祖先——亚 当和夏娃。”听了这话，国王就给了他一个小铜子儿。于是穷人开始叫屈，说：“难道您国王陛下就给兄弟这么一点点钱吗？”“走开，快走，”国王回答，“如果世界上你所有的兄弟们都像我这样给你一个铜板，你就比我还有钱了。”

　14、和上帝对话

　He says: "God,what is a million dollars to you?"and God says: "A penny,then the man says: "God,what is a million years to you?”and God says: ¨a second", then the man says: “God,can I he a penny ?"and God says:"In a second."

　他问：“主啊，一百万美元对你意味着多少?”上帝回答：¨一便士。” 男子又问：“那一百万年呢，?”上帝说：“一秒钟。”最后男子请求道：”上帝，我能得到一便士吗?“上帝回答：“过一秒钟。”

　15、 成年人的抉择

　The year before my son turned 18, he constantly pleaded to be allowed to a he tattoo, but I refused to sign permission for one.He argued that soon he would be a man and he should be able to make adult decisions. Sure enough,a few days after his 18th birthday,he come home with a tattoo. Although l was not hy about this, I was curious to see what symbol of masculin', he had chosen. There, on his shoulder,was a two inch image of Mickey Mouse.

　我儿子十八岁前的那一年，常常向我提出准许他文身。但我拒绝允许他这么做。他争辩说他不久就要成为男子汉了，并说他应该能够做出成年人的抉择了。果然，十八岁生日的几天后，他文了身，回到家里。尽管我对此感到不高兴，但出于好奇，我想看看他选择了什么雄性象征物。原来他在肩上文了一个两英寸长的米老鼠像。

;

英语搞笑笑话8篇

非常短的英语小笑话

　当听别人说笑话的时候觉得不大好笑，还会觉得冷很冷，可是自己看的时候，却笑到不行，你有这样的经历么?以下的非常短的英语小笑话，希望能让你欢乐笑不停。

非常短的英语小笑话(一)

　纹身

　A few months after Tom and I were married一during World War II, he was shipped off to Pearl Harbor. In one of his first letters，he wrote，"I'm going to he a Ny battle-ship tattooed on my chest.?

　二战中，汤姆和我刚结婚几个月，他就被派到珍珠港。在他早期的一封信中，他写道:?我想把海军战舰纹刻在胸前。?

　Instead of pleading, I answered simply,?Send me a pitcture of your tattoo，and I'll he a duplicate put on my chest. "

　我没有劝阻，只是简单地回了信:?给我寄一张你纹旁的照片来，然后我也在我的'胸前仿纹一个。?

　We he been married for 51 years. Neither of us has a tattoo.

　我们现在已结婚51年了，谁也没纹过身。

非常短的英语小笑话(二)

　关心

　A customer at my teller's window was grumbling about the low interest rate on his sings account. He finally said he was just going to take all his money out of the bank，dig a hole in his back yard and bury it.

　一位顾客站在我的出纳窗口前，埋怨存钱的利率太低。最后，他说他妥把所有的钱从银行里取出来，在自家后院挖个坑，把钱理了。

　The teller next to rne leaned over. "Sir，I couldn't help overhearing. Tell me, what is your address?".

　隔壁窗口的出纳员探过身来说:?先生，我实在不怒愉听，但还是听到了，告诉我，您住在什么地才?

非常短的英语小笑话(三)

　过分紧张

　My little girl loves animals，but one day she was bitten by a small field mouse she'd found. She carried it home in her pocket and told me what hened. Worried about rabies，I called our town humane society and was told that the animal would he to be examined, and they'd send someone for it.

　我的小女儿喜欢动物。但有一天，她被一只她找到的小田鼠咬了一口。她把那小动物放在口袋里带了回来，并把所发生的一切都告诉了我。由于害怕她被传染上鼠痊，我给镇上的私区医院打了电话。他们告诉我这个小动物应被检查一下，还说他们会派人去把它取走。

　When the humane-society truck pulled up，a big man got out，put on a pair of gauntlets and took a capture stick and a big cage from the back of the truck. Trying not to laugh, I handed him a small shoe box containing the mouse.

　社区医院的卡车停在了我家门口，一个大个子下了车，他戴上了防护手套，从车的后箱里取出一根棍子和一个笼子。我

　尽量克制自己不笑出来，把那装有小田鼠的杜盒子递给了他。

　"Lady，"he said，seeing my expression, "they only told me it was a wild animal. "

　?太太，?当他看到我的表情时他说，?他们只告诉我说是好生动物。?

非常短的英语小笑话(四)

　异奇!

　My first waitressing job was in a coffee shop. We featured a lunch special called "Tuna Salad Surprise"，a tuna sandwich served with soup and chips. When our sandwich maker didn't show up for work one hectic Saturday，we had to prepare our own sandwiches.

　我做招待工作始于咖啡店。我们有道午餐特餐叫?金枪鱼沙拉异奇?。这个套餐实际上就是把金枪鱼三明治、汤、薯条技在一起吃.一个例霉竹星期六，我们那做特餐三明治的

　厨师没来上班，我们只好自己准备三明治。

　A man sat down and ordered the special. I raced to the sandwich board，prepared the order，poured his coffee and rushed to the next customer. Later，as I delivered his check,he noted politely that he had never. eaten a potato-salad sandwich before. Horrified at my mistake，I asked，?Why didn't you tell me it was potato salad instead of tuna?"

　一位男食客坐下来，要了这道特餐。我跑到了三明治拒台，替他准备好了套餐，又给他倒了一杯咖啡，就开始招待下一位食容。不久，我把帐单递给了要特餐的食客.他很礼

　貌地说，他从没吃过土豆沙拉三明治。这时我才意识到我把三明治弄错了，我真有点害怕了。我问他:?你为什么不早告诉我特餐是土豆沙拉而不是金枪鱼沙拉呢?

　"I thought that was the surprise.?

　?我还以为那就是所谓的异奇呢.

;

　下面是我整理的英语搞笑笑话8篇，欢迎大家阅读!

　英语搞笑笑话：Imitation 模仿

　A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. Well, sit down and eat your tea, said his mother. Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it.

　Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.

　That's because it's empty, said his bright son. You'd be all right if you had something in it.

　一个男孩放学回家时，觉得肚子痛。来，坐下，吃点点心，妈妈说，你肚子痛是因为肚子是空的。吃点东西就会好的。

　一会儿，男孩的爸爸下班回家了，说是头痛。

　你头痛是因为你的脑袋是空的，他那聪明的儿子说，里面装点东西，就会好的。

　英语搞笑笑话：　Fried chicken

　In class the teacher showed pictures of various birds. Then he asked one of the students, "What kind of bird do you like best, Jack?"

　Jack thought a moment, then answered, "Fried chicken, sir."

　老师在课堂上向学生们展示了各种各样的鸟的照片。然后他问其中一名学生，?杰克，你最喜欢哪种鸟儿啊?

　杰克想了想，回答，?炸鸡，老师。?

　英语搞笑笑话：I've Just Bitten My Tongue

　I've Just Bitten My Tongue

　"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

　"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"

　"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

　英语搞笑笑话：我刚咬破自己的舌头

　?我们有毒吗?一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。

　?是的，亲爱的，?她回答说，?你问这个干什么?

　?因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。?

　How much English can you speak?

　"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to

　be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his

　way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."

　The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"

　The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"

　"法官先生，我的当事人被指控偷窃，这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约，几乎不认路。

　而且，他只会说几个 英语单词 。"

　法官看了看被告，问道："你会说多少英文?"

　被告抬起头，说："把你的钱包给我!"

　英语搞笑笑话：He Won 他赢了

　Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

　Tommy: That's too bad. How did that hen?

　Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

　汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗?

　约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

　汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿?

　约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

　英语搞笑笑话：Three pastors 三个牧师

　Three pastors in the south were hing lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I?ve been hing trouble with bats in my loft(阁楼) and attic at church. I?ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away.

　Another said, Yes, me too. I?ve got hundreds living in my belfry(钟楼) and in the attic. I?ve been had the place fumigated(熏制) , and they still won?t go away.

　The third said, I baptized(洗礼) all mine, and made them members of the church...hen?t seen one back since!

　三个南部的牧师在一家小餐馆里吃午饭。其中的一个说道：?你们知道吗，自从夏天来临，我的教堂的阁楼和顶楼就被蝙蝠骚扰，我用尽了一切办法----噪音、喷雾、猫----似乎什么都不能把它们赶走。?

　另外一位说：?是啊，我也是。在我的钟楼和阁楼也有好几百只。我曾经请人把整个地方用烟熏消毒一遍，它们还是赶不走。?

　第三个牧师说：?我为我那里的所有蝙蝠洗礼，让它们成为教会的一员......从此一只也没有再回来过。?

　英语搞笑笑话：Excited Remarks 激动的话

　Our son, at age of five, had a fascination for motorcycles. The sight of one would always bring forth squeals(长声尖叫) of delight, accompanied by excited remarks of Look at that! Look at that! I'm going to he one of those someday, his dad's response always was Not as long as I'm alive.

　One day, while our son was talking to a little friend, a motorcycle passed by. He excitedly pointed it out to the boy and exclaimed, Look at that! Look at that! I'm getting one of those as soon as my dad dies.

　我五岁的儿子对摩托车有强烈的 爱好 。只要看见一辆摩托车，他就会高兴得哇哇直叫，并激动地说：瞧这辆!瞧这辆，我总有一天也要有一辆。他爸爸的回答老是只要我活着，你就别想有这玩艺儿。

　一天我们的儿子跟他的小朋友在说话，有一辆摩托车开了过去。他兴奋的指着摩托车叫道瞧这辆!瞧这辆!等我爸一死我就要有这样一辆摩托车了。

　英语搞笑笑话：Logic Reasoning 逻辑推理

　A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.

　Here is the situation, she said. A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.

　His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?

　A girl raised her hand and asked, to draw out all of his sings?

　小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子：有这样一种情况，一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。

　他的妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会 游泳 ，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么? 一个女生举手答道，是不是去取他的存款?